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Introversion and the escort

People who know what I do are often surprised when they hear me describe myself as an introvert, like it's a trait that couldn't possibly be compatible with this job. When I ask why they think that, they're mainly just interested in how I manage to balance high levels of intimacy and connection, if, as they have decided, I have an aversion to people! I understand their curiousity, but disagree on their definition of introversion. Although I wouldn't say I am that low on on the extrovert/introvert spectrum (Ok, I just did the Big 5 test and I scored mostly neutral) I do after intense social activity feel drawn to take periods of personal space and require introspection. I love people and the hustle and bustle of a city but I am sensitive and feel deeply, and I guess because of this, I need quiet time in order to recharge or it can lead to me feeling weary and unfocused.

Being an introvert doesn't mean I am averse to intimacy or connection. Quite the opposite, I very much need to have human contact, lockdown and two quarantines provided concrete proof of this! In fact, I feel my introverted nature allows me to be more present and intuitive to people's needs, and be able to easily create a safe and intimate space where they can explore their desires and vulnerabilities. When I am fully present and attuned to them, it helps to foster a deep sense of connection, and I am often told I am great company, an excellent friend and someone people seek when they need advice and discretion. Whilst hearing this makes me extremely happy, at the same time, it is crucial for me to keep an awareness about how I am doing (something I don't always do without conscious effort), and if required, respect my need for recharge time, rather than brush it away and then pay for it down the road. This is something that I always communicate clearly to my clients (and why I am blogging about it!), and they have been (mostly) understanding and supportive. It is part of who I am, and by having the self-awareness and respect for myself to care for my well-being, I can be fully present and engaged when we are together, and in return, the fact you have respect for my needs makes me feel cared for and considered, so our intimacy and connection is enhanced reciprocally.  The truth is, these seemingly opposing forces can co-exist harmoniously, provided you have done some personal work, so you have the self awareness necessary to understand yourself and your partner. In my work, I have come to realise that emotional intelligence and self-awareness are essential to achieving balance as a companion (introverted or not). By understanding my own needs and boundaries, I can communicate them more effectively, whilst also better understanding and supporting you.

One of the biggest challenges that sex workers face is setting boundaries. It can be easy to become overwhelmed with the delicacy that is often required (especially in early relationships), and also when I feel indebted I lean towardss placing the clients needs above your own, so it has been important for me to honestly establish my emotional capacity and what I am/am not comfortable with and communicate this with clear boundaries from the outset. Although this is easy to say from a place of privilege and financial stability, something I learnt a long time ago is: All money is not good money. A good client is about much more than what he can offer financially; good communication, respect for boundaries, and empathy are all what I really value. Another reason I am selective and keep my circle small, it is what I feel I must do to avoid being overwhelmed by this job and so I can undertake it in an emotionally and physically safe way and most importantly, keep enjoying it! I am a poor actress and it would be far too soul sucking for me to spend time with someone I thought was an arsehole. I'm having fun and I want it to keep it that way, and spending too much time in the company of douchebags woud lead to burnout very quickly.

Ultimately, balancing intimacy and solitude as an introverted companion requires a willingness to embrace vulnerability and authenticity. By being upfront and honest about myself to you, I can create an honest, relaxed space primed for growth and exploration. This work can be incredibly rewarding, and I although it sometimes feels cliche, I really am so grateful for the opportunities I get to experience and the people I get to meet, but I am human and must be open about my limitations too, and feel it is important to have an approach of radical openess regarding this topic in the hope it inspires the same behaviour in return.

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